Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, September 13, 2004.

"Why not let gay people marry each other? They have to marry someone. They can't all marry Liza Minnelli."
- Triumph the Insult Dog

When I was nine years-old, my family settled in the 'burbs of Flint, Michigan and became what you might consider a prototypical Midwestern family. We had a traditional family structure: My Dad worked as an industrial chemicals salesman and my Mom was a stay-at-home Mom. Three kids. Two dogs. Two cats. Hard work. Family values. Church on Sunday. Midwestern values. America's heartland. A good Flint family. (I'm writing in sound-bites so I don't lose your attention; it seems to work for Mr. Bush.)

Then one day my brother made a decision that challenged the very essence of our family structure. He stepped outside of the fold. Took a different direction. Turned what we had known to that point on its head. It was tough for the family to accept. We had doubts, anger, questions. But in time, we've come to a certain level of acceptance, and I think it's important -- as part of that process -- to talk about it openly. You see, my brother... drives an Audi -- a foreign car!

(Sorry I had to "out" you, big guy, but I needed something edgy for ratings week.)

For those of you who didn't grow up in car town like Flint, you might not believe me, but it's true: Thirty years ago you were taking your life into your own hands by driving a foreign car, especially a Japanese car. I'm serious. You could have very easily gotten a windshield (or a butt or a head) smashed in by slowing down at the wrong intersection in a Datsun. And nobody would have felt sorry for you. In fact, the majority of Flintoids would have loved nothing more than to pass a law banning the sale of foreign cars.

Back then, 10% or less of Americans were driving foreign cars. It's pretty easy for 90% to push around the 10% when it wants to, wouldn't you say? And now here we are in 2004 and the very governor of Michigan is just tickled that Toyota is buying a chunk of land to build an engineering center. Sure glad we didn't do something stupid back then like pass a law to restrict people's right to purchase a car of their liking....

So here in Michigan we have a ballot proposal in November to amend the state constitution to ban gay marriage and a president who stumps here often hinting broadly at his support for a federal one. It seems the majority of folks think it's a good idea.

I respectfully disagree.... Aw, heck -- I do more than that. I stick my thumb to my nose, wiggle my fingers, stick out my tongue, blow a hearty raspberry (THHHTTTTPPPPPPTTTT!), and *disrespectfully* disagree. You all should know by now that I try to see both sides of an issue (if only to disparage both), but in this case I'm pretty clear: You simply don't ever amend a constitution (state or federal) to *restrict* the rights of certain individuals.

But, the argument goes, if the majority of people want to ban gay marriage then that's the way it is, right? It's a democracy, right? Again, THHHTTTTPPPPPPTTTT! We do *not* live in a democracy. We live in a constitutional republic. Constitution, as in, "Here's a document that will be our set of rules and safeguards so no one group (majority or otherwise) will get all crazy and start ruling."

So let's all reflect on that for moment. And if that doesn't convince you that these amendments are a bad idea, consider how happy you would be right now driving your spiffy new model 2004 Ford Pinto....