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Originally published in
the Grand Rapids Business Journal, October 11, 2004.
I don't really have much in common with President
Bush, but on one point there is simply no denying: We're both
horrible debaters. Different styles perhaps. Actually, President
Bush seems to have many styles -- smirky guy, arm-wavy guy,
painted-on-smile guy. I only really ever had one: stammering
and shaking guy.
But, yeah, put either one of us behind a podium and ask us
to defend positions, and it just isn't gonna be pretty. (The
president's own people readily admit this, so I don't think
I'm taking a cheap shot here. I will say that Karl Rove might
have considered this two or three years ago and done a better
job so the president would have had better material to work
with.... That was a cheap shot.)
In high school, I showed both great courage and a huge overestimation
of my capacity to learn unnatural skills by joining the debate
team. Gosh, I was awful. I'm just so pleased that it all took
place before video recorders became cheap and ubiquitous. It's
actually one of my incentives for living a good life, because
I'm sure they have the video tapes in Hell, and my punishment
would be to watch them for eternity.
What was so bad about them? Well, it wasn't so much that I
wasn't prepared. (Although I would have been a lot more prepared
if I hadn't always spent half my research time reading comics
sections of out-of-town newspapers on the microfiche machines.)
No, it was more my presentation. I gave my evidence with little
or no context. I referred to opponents' points with random
hand gestures and an eventual "you know what I mean." I
filled in gaps of thought with "uhhhhhhhhhhhhh's" and "tum-dee-dum-dee-dum's."
In most cases, I was beaten fair and square. But occasionally
I was beaten thinking that I had the better material, and I
would say so in my conclusions. During the presidential debates,
there were lots of things President Bush did that made me squirm
and wince, but none more than this bit of rhetorical brilliance: "That's
the way it is -- it just is." Hey! That was my line! I
used that all the time!
So this week's comic might just be sour grapes. Many years
later, I still bristle when I feel style winning over substance.
Taken to the extreme -- and that's what the TV news media is
all about -- nothing of substance can mean anything without
style. And soon the cameras must be told what to think before
they know what to show us.
But, truth be told, the comic is mostly about pandering: When
in doubt, slag the TV media folks. Newspaper editors love that.
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