Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, November 8, 2004.

Well the election is over. And for all the time, energy, and money that was spent, for all the scurrilous politics and mud-slinging, for all the deeply partisan attacks -- at least now we Americans have a clear path on which to proceed. Yes, my friends, as painful as it was, this election season bore unto us a message that none of us can doubt, argue with, or, indeed, resist. A message so obvious and decisive that it can truly be called a mandate, and the mandate is this: Stick it to the 18-24 year-olds.

For me, the most “Holy Cats!” statistic to come out of the election was that only 17% of 18-24 year-olds voted. At first I was struck with a sense of disappointment: “Those darn kids! Don't they understand their duty as Americans?” Next was astonishment: “This election of all elections -- how could they not get to the polls?” And finally, greed: “How can I benefit from this?”

Hey, if Puff Daddy and MTV and moveon.org and Young Republicans aren't going to motivate these folks to vote in significant numbers, then let's just accept that it simply isn't going to happen and see what the rest of us can gain. We Americans have a long, proud tradition of large groups pressing their advantage over smaller ones. The majority rules, right? Well, here's our chance for the voting majority to goose-step right through a seriously large window of opportunity.

Let's tax and draft and fine and work young adults until they drop or until they decide it might be worth their while to vote. It's a win-win, really. And if we're sneaky enough, they might never know what's hitting them. For example, we could institute a draft, but not call it that. Colleges do this stuff all the time -- not raising tuition by raising tuition and calling it a “required fee.” We'll call the military draft “required servitude” or “compulsory adulthood matriculation duty” or “mandatory Asian field trip” and ship 'em off with a free t-shirt so nobody complains. (Remember softies, these people are not our sons and daughters, nieces and nephews; they are chronic non-voters.)

And by way of encouraging young people to participate in their country, I will conclude by saying that I'm really only half-kidding about all this....