Originally published in the Grand Rapids Business Journal, January 24, 2005.

There's something you might want to know about me, being an Auchter an all. Mine, it seems, is not a terribly proud heritage. I found more evidence of this over the holidays while idling time on the Internet in between year-end administrative tasks (backing up files, throwing away files, re-finding files I didn't mean to throw away, deciding from the 14 versions of a file I kept which one is the one I really meant to keep, etc.).

What does the Auchter name mean?

1. South German: occupational name for someone who minded cattle at night, from Middle High German uhte ‘night watch’, ‘night pasture’, or ‘time just before dawn’.
2. Scottish: topographic name from Gaelic uachdar ‘upland’, ‘summit’, or a habitational name from a place in Perthshire named with this word.

Right. So I'm a descendent of nocturnal cattle watchers. Oooooh, prestigious! Not good enough to work the day shift, apparently. Or we were best not seen with the cattle during the day -- brought the whole value of the herd down.

How did we end up with *this* job? Well, there is some conjecture that we started as peasants in the northern third of Scotland (the "uplands" or "highlands"). Now Scotland is barely habitable today with modern heating systems. Think of how perpetually cold, damp, and arthritic it was back, say, in the 1700's. The uplands are the "poor side of town" of that.

History shows us that at the dawn of the Industrial Revolution the landowners in the uplands decided that it was better to have sheep for wool to sell to the mills down south and told the pitiful subsistence farmers (likely a bunch of Auchters) to "Git ta ell ooof m' land, an twill be morrrddde haggggasss fooor oooos!" (That's how Scottish people talk, of course.) So that's how we could have ended up migrating to Germany. We couldn't be trusted with sheep back home, but I guess we didn't bother mentioning that to the Germans when we got the gig with the cows.

If ever a clan was in desperate need of a United States of America for the opportunity to start over, it was us Auchters.

I tell you this because in this week's comic, I employ a blatant West Michigan stereotype: Dutch people (who largely settled this area and still make a sizeable percentage of the population) are known to be, well, somewhat thrifty -- a little conservative when making purchasing decisions. You know, notorious tightwads. Misers who squeeze a nickel so hard you can hear Jefferson scream. (There are nice ways to say it, and not-so-nice ways.)

Using stereotypes in comics can be dangerous. But I felt I was safe because I wasn't particularly nasty and I'm pretty secure in looking at the humorous side of my own heritage.

The other thing you should know about is the Sustainable Growth Initiative, which was the lead story in the Business Journal. Several West Michigan companies have ongoing efforts to lower long-term business costs by saving and re-using materials. For example, vegetative roofs, alternative fuels, water conservation. Part of it is altruistic. But part of it also fits with the general West Michigan nature of saving money by not wasting anything.

Understand? Good. I've got to get back to work.

Mooooooooo!